Notes on Trans Community by Elly Higgins
In the months leading up to my college graduation, I felt as if I were running towards a cliff unsure of what was waiting for me after the leap. My parents and teachers assured me that it was just water, that I might have to wade for a bit before I learned to swim but that the waves would catch me. So I lept and waded and found myself a few months after graduating with a job, a new place to live, and a few friends. Things were coming together more or less but it all felt hard. Leaving a community I had been in for years, finishing school, and beginning to work full time - everything was new and in its newness, scary. I felt unmoored. One of the things I struggled with most was feeling like I wasn’t yet part of a community.
In many conversations with my non-trans partner, I expressed this feeling and realized that what I really missed was being in trans community. At school, I had many close friends who were transgender or gender non-conforming and while those connections hadn’t disappeared, it felt hard to be so far away from these friends post-college. I craved more time with other trans people even though I had moved to a place with a large queer population. Since those conversations, I have spent a lot of time thinking about what exactly is so special about being in community with other trans people.
In my sophomore year of college, I was really involved with my school’s trans advocacy group. We met every week. We would talk about trans-related things and do some advocacy work, but mostly, we’d just hang out. We would lay on couches in the school’s Multicultural Resource Center, laughing, complaining about homework, and gossiping about who was kissing whom. We would stay long past the meeting’s official end time. In the pictures I have from those meetings I’m smiling, sandwiched between friends splayed on the couch.
It may sound funny but what was so special was our ability to just exist. To let go of all of the protective layers that we as trans and gender non-conforming people often have to keep up. It feels hard to put into words what is actually happening in these trans-only spaces but there is some sense that we are being seen for who we are, and that our being and presence are not up for debate or under scrutiny. To exist perhaps is not so special but to be seen, really truly seen and not questioned, that is special and for trans, gender non-conforming, and other marginalized people, it is rare.
But it is more than just being seen. Being in trans community offers practical support. In the group chat I have with two of my trans friends we talk about everything, from Carly Rae Jepson’s new album to Lizzo’s new album (I guess it has been a good year for pop icons!) but usually, we text each other for advice and support. Even though we live in different states we rely on each other when trans-related issues come up. One of my friends recently came out to a coworker and received some well-intentioned but inappropriate questions. They immediately texted us both to share their discomfort and get advice on how to respond.
I frequently reach out to friends who have been on hormones for longer than I have to ask questions. There are very few trans competent doctors and relatively little research has been done on trans-related health care so most trans people have to rely on their trans friends and internet communities to answer health-related questions. And the fact of the matter is that we do know our bodies and our experiences best. Trans-specific communities, both online and in-person, allow for information about health care to be shared, whether that’s about binding in a way that doesn’t hurt your ribs, scar care after surgery, or even what to make sure to ask your doctor.
The idea of a safe space has been discussed extensively before and these are not new ideas. However, it wasn’t until I lacked access to these spaces (which can be just one on one hangouts with a friend) that I realized how much I needed them. Being in trans community offers both the irreplaceable sense of being seen and the opportunity to seek advice and affirmation from people who actually have similar life experiences. At this point, it’s been more than a year since I graduated and moved. I have made many new trans friends and found new ways of connecting to old ones. I feel grateful to be creating new trans communities especially now that I understand the important place they hold in my life.